So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
