Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i don't like sucking hair
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
