I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
