This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
