Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
