He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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