We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
