I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
