As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
