so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
