I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
