it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
