sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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