It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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