When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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