If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
