OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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