I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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