Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
