yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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