i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
