Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
