I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
