You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
