I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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