After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
