blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
