i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
