If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
