started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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