That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
