Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
