i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
