NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
