marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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