I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
