i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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