I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
