Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
