So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
