Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
