I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
