So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
