wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
