Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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