32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
