there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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