Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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