i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
