Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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