she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
