I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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