when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
