I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
